


Detention

by Song



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Automail, Blood Quill (Harry Potter), Detention, Dolores Umbridge Being an Asshole, Edward Elric Swears, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:06:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27737341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Song/pseuds/Song
Summary: Edward gets detention. Umbridge is not amused.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 201
Collections: Clever Crossovers & Fantastic Fusions





	Detention

**Author's Note:**

> Um, so I actually wrote this in 2013 but the people on one of my writing discords convinced me to post it here so.. here you go. Crossposted on FFN.

"Write 'I will not mouth off to my betters'" Umbridge said in her sickeningly sweet voice.

"Fuckin' dictating whore.." Ed muttered under his breath.

"What was that, dear?"

"I said, 'How many times?'" The small blond repeated in his best subordinate voice.

"Oh, until it sinks in, I think." She returned to her desk and her constantly watching kitten plates.

Even Al would be unsettled by cats that look like _that_.

Edward picks up the suspiciously sharp quill and sets it to the paper. "How am I supposed to write without ink." Ed deadpans. _And what is with these quills anyway- hasn't anyone heard of a fountain pen around here?_

She looks up from her papers. "Don't worry dear, the quill will supply it's own."

Taking the quill hesitantly Ed begins to write.

The back of his glove tears open exposing the concealed automail.

He looks at the paper.

Nothing.

"Professor..?"

"Get on with it Mr. Elric."

So, he tried again.

RI-RIP-SCREE-SCREE-SCREACH!

Still nothing. Ed could have sworn he wrote something.

No matter.

 _I-SCREECH_ _will-SCREECH_ _not-SCREECH_ _mouth-SCREECH_ _off-SCREECH_ \- _to-SCREECH_ _my-SCREECH_ _betters-SCREECH_.

With each screech she winces. _I-SCREECH_ _will-SCREECH_ _not-SCREECH_ _mouth-SCREECH_ _off-SCREECH_ \- _to-SCREECH_ _my-SCREECH_ _betters-SCREECH_. Ed writes again.

Other than the slight tearing of the parchment, it would look like nothing happened.

 _I-SCREECH_ _will-SCREECH_ _not-SCREECH_ _mouth-SCREECH_ _off-SCREECH_ \- _to-SCREECH_ _my-SCREECH_ _betters-SCREECH_.

It sounds something like fingernails on a chalkboard. Without the fingernails or the chalkboard.

"Professor- nothing's happening."

She stands again, coming over to Ed's seat and looking around for what is making that horrible sound. It is then she notices the blank parchment.

"I do not know what you are playing at Mr. Elric, but it will stop this instant!"

"Yes Professor Umbridge," Ed replies obediently.

"Now, write!"

 _I-SCREECH_ _will-SCREECH_ _not-SCREECH_ _mouth-SCREECH_ _off-SCREECH_ \- _to-SCREECH_ _my-SCREECH_ _betters-SCREECH_.

 _I-SCREECH_ _will-SCREECH_ _not-SCREECH_ _mouth-SCREECH_ _off-SCREECH_ \- _to-SCREECH_ _my-SCREECH_ _betters-SCREECH_.

"OUT, OUT, OUT!" She screams in a pitch very near that of the quill against the guardplate of his hand.

Walking down the hall well out of hearing distance Edward snickers.

He knew being ambidextrous would come in handy sooner or later.

* * *

Fin


End file.
